So (if there’s anyone actually still reading this) you probably noticed I haven’t updated like.
In a while.
Things are not so good in my brain currently. I feel no creative spark. I feel no sparks at all. I am exhausted, mentally, physically…basically I’m a sad lump. I don’t even feel sad. I mostly just feel…tired.
I don’t know what I’m trying to say here. Maybe I just needed to say it, even if it’s only just shouting it into the void. I should make a doctors appointment and see if this is a symptom of something, maybe get my brain pills upped, but thinking about all that just makes me so tired.
If you’re scratching your head and puzzling over the chapter number, AFWT ch23 went up…week before last, I think? But only on AO3. Official sit is currently down due to an issue with the wordpress installation, and will remain so for the foreseeable future, as my time is short of late. It’ll go back up sometime when I have the time/energy/mental spoons to fix it. For now, you can still find the serial on Archive of Our Own, since it’s easier to update.
I am currently sitting at my dining table/plant stand, looking out over my frozen back yard. Honestly, if it’s going to be below freezing, we ought to at least get some actual snow out of it, but no, it’s frost-covered grass as far as the eye can see. There is ice on the trees, and they are making a rice-crispie sound in the wind. It is below freezing even though its the middle of the day, and in central Texas, that’s a pretty damn rare occurrence. Especially since we already had a bad freeze a few weeks ago, and lemme tell you, if anyone tries the climate change denial around me now I’m gonna point that out right quick.
In other news, in an attempt to get my slacking, super ADHD ways under control in the new year, I made myself an alarm schedule for my days off, and the Sunday schedule has a dedicated block for posting AFWT chapters before I get on to my plant-related shenanigans. So cross your fingers that I’ll be able to get those out somewhat regularly, barring day off-eating events like last week’s cleaning and cooking extravaganza for my father’s birthday.
I’ve actually been a tiny bit proactive since the brain fog induced by losing one of my ADHD meds cleared up. I wasn’t able to afford my health insurance this year, and apparently without it atomoxetine retails for $600. That’s a 90 day supply of pills, just for clarification. Completely bonkers. So I declined that one, and I think maybe now I’m actually doing a bit better without it? I hadn’t been productive at all since like, last summer, creatively speaking, but I managed to write a tiny bit this week, mostly on my phone at work, but still. I’ve been getting up earlier, or at least I was before the weather took a turn for the gray and frozen, sigh. I’ve also been organizing my future farm/plant nursery plans: creating spreadsheets, sorting plants into categories, accumulating growing information and sustainable farming methods, gathering materials for vertical gardening adventures, saving money for greenhouses…also binge-online-shopping for heirloom seeds, plus plant varieties that will do well in my nine-months-of-severe-heat-and-humidity climate. I’m toying with the idea of doing a vlog focused on building up the business. But that’ll have to wait until my next post, since I do have a chapter to get up and about a million plants to water and a house in desperate need of a vacuum cleaner.
“Seya? I did not expect to see you back here,” [Zan] said. He frowned after Rheta’s swiftly retreating form. “And fighting in front of my gate again.”
“Yeah, well. Had to bring you a thank you gift, didn’t I.” Seya said, gesturing to Nemone.
So, uh, here’s the long awaited(?) chapter 22. I’m going to stop apologizing for letting this hellscape of a year kick my ass. I am trying, it’s just hard to proof these chapters when I can barely get myself out of bed. And my rare bouts of useful energy are all being directed at keeping the enormous number of plants I’ve acquired since March alive, since to do otherwise would be a huge waste of money. Speaking of which, I have to go water all those succulent props in my studio if I want them to survive to be sale-worthy next year.
In case you thought I was joking about the plants…
Three more days, Seya thought as she found herself at the window once again, searching for a small, furtive figure that wasn’t there.
Two and a half days, now—she had whiled the morning away, tense and restless, looking for something to do besides sit around worrying and imagining the worst. “What were you thinking, offering to help some damn brat kid when you can’t even help yourself?” she scolded herself out loud as she was cleaning the apartment. “Idiot.”
Brace yourselves, guys, it’s gonna be a real long day for everyone. Content warning for evidence of child abuse. Read the chapter here!
Jayen sighed impatiently and lowered his shields, his hand closing over Vico’s arm as he felt the other man’s presence sifting through the clan bond, sinking into his aura. It felt much like a healer’s touch, except Vico’s presence felt warm and achingly familiar. And irritated. And…affectionate? Jayen dismissed the notion. Vico had done this for him before, checking his aural signature after particularly bad fights and magical disasters, and he had never been able to discern anything like feelings before. Still, it was a pleasant fantasy. Almost as good as the real thing. It was hard not to indulge in a small bit of fantasy when Vico was staring into his eyes so intently.
Jayen arrived promptly at seven forty-five to ferry Seya and Vico to the Halcyon clinic for her checkup the next morning. Vico was prepared to fend off his attempts at flirtation, as he had since that day in the Mediations office—Jayen was nothing if not persistent—but he was in almost constant communication with the security detail at Bretinne. It was…rather disappointing, actually, even though Vico had been the one trying to maintain some distance. He shook his head, exasperated at his own weakness.
Ok, my lovely readers (if I actually have any), I’m attempting to set up as many chapters ahead of time as I can with the rest of my vacation. Spent most of it reading And messing about with my plants. :)
Chapter 13 is up, finally. Sorry for flaking, I seem to have had a depressive episode that intersected with some hardcore hyperfocus, and I basically spent the last three weeks obsessing over succulents. Yes, the plants. I’ve managed to accumulate quite a collection of them. Also seeds for my annual gardening project. (Wait, what about that purple garden—yeah, that’s still in progress. Tiger rose is still alive. Wisteria is hanging on by a thread; we’ll see if it leafs out this year before I say anything more.)
Expect pictures of all my recent acquisitions at some point, which include a raspberry bush, a couple of flowering cherry trees, and a kiwi vine. I also bought a lot of heirloom fruit/veg seeds. My plan is to make a vertical garden with scavenged/reused materials. Probably some raised beds and a couple of arbors too, because what else is Pinterest for but giving people grandiose ideas about what they’re capable of?
So I am still attempting to work this upload schedule into my routine. It still hasn’t taken yet, and I keep forgetting to do the pre-posted pages because really, WHERE DID ALL THE TIME GO. She asks after spending six hours scrolling Pinterest yesterday. NOPE NO TIME HERE ONLY EXECUTIVE DISFUNCTION LA LA LA.
ANYWAY. I did scrape together the time to upload Chapter Twelve to AO3 and the official website today, but only because I don’t have to go to work until four. Links for the rest will come…eventually. Maybe. *sigh*
And in case you missed it, I did post Chapter Eleven—at least, I thought I did. Turns out I forgot to hit update so the page I was looking at before I had to leave (for work *sigh*) was the preview page. Oops. It’s up now, and the Table of Contents has even been updated!
Because I am a magnificent flake, I totally pasted Chapter Nine into a document titled Chapter Eight, and did not realize it until yesterday afternoon! ADHD is so fun. Anyway, I fixed it, and if you were wondering why something seemed to be missing–it was. Oops. Anyway, I fixed it. You can read the actual Chapter Eight now, and since I goofed, I also posted Chapter Ten to make up for it! Yay!
Chapter Ten (In which there is a duel! And a cliffhanger, just FYI)
I apologize again for being a flake. Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria is real and I HAS IT. And believe me, IT SUCKS. But! I have just noticed that I can pre-post pages in WordPress, and I intend to spend Sunday setting up the next few chapters and announcement blog posts to automatically post, so hopefully that will help.
After totally wasting a ton of time on a bunch of Christmas ornaments, which is really annoying and upsetting, I finally got the AFWT website up, and it’s currently up to date with all the chapters released! I know, nothing short of miraculous! I’m still working on the other venues—-Dreamwidth (horrible name aside, it’s the most like Livejournal we’ve got that’s not being slowly ground to dust under our megacorporate overlords), and Pillowfort (not exactly a burgeoning community over there yet sigh). I still need to chop up all the chapters into individual documents, proof them one more time for typos and flow issues, and back them up to the cloud so I can do this shit even if I’m not in front of my tablet. Do not ask about my laptop, it is currently circling the drain. I think it knew I was going to end up flat broke and in mild credit card debt this year so yay for that. (I love my awful fur children but they are EXPENSIVE YO *sobs hysterically*)
2019 was an industrial trash fire! Good riddance!
Here are links to Chapters Five and Six! Links to the alternate sites are on the home page at AFWT.jmcowan.net, as are the social medias where you can follow the updates!
My goals for the new year! Learn how to talk to other people! Get more crafty stuff done! Finish A Shield and an Anchor, and also Golden Wolf! Blog more! Totally break the record on how many exclamation points one person can use in a single blog post!