Crawling out from under my rock

A dewberry flower, five petals, white with pale pink accents
Dewberry flower

The dewberry vines are flowering in the ditch, so it must be spring. A little early, it’s still February (because it’s leap year) but I’m not going to complain. My peach tree is also starting to bloom, pictures to come. Hopefully this stupid cold front doesn’t blow off all the flowers.

So the bupropion/buspirone combo is not working as needed, and I have made the decision to discontinue the bupropion for now. This leaves my ADHD untreated, but I’m going to have to prioritize my mental health for the time being and stay on the anti-anxiety medication until I have the spoons to make an appointment with the new brain doc at my doctor’s office. My physical health appears to be good, all my labs came back with decent numbers for once, which is a load off my mind. I’m still attempting to crawl out from under my current…episode, seasonal affective disorder, whatever it was. Feeling better, enough to have dived right into my usual spring fever, been seed prepping since last Friday. Logging my farm progress over at the spacecat.studio site. As I tanked my progress pretty hard on that front, I’ve decided to go a bit slower at it, not intending to renew my nursery license until next year at the earliest, just gonna focus on getting plants going, setting up the beds and trellises and things, repairing the greenhouses (the wind today blew out another panel, which I found in the ditch while walking Ben Ben), soil enrichment, trying to germinate seeds that are a bit past their prime. Slowly rebuilding my succulent collection. (Very slowly, sigh. I still can’t think about all the plants I lost without getting discouraged; cleaning out the small greenhouse is going to be tough.)

Things are still creeping along on the creative front. Tor 2 is still not done, still can’t read anything, not even the slightest pretension to art stuff. It’s frustrating.

A much postponed update

I always mean to blog but somehow I forget what I was going to blog about or just don’t  have the time or energy.

I’ve been in a bit of a slump recently. Last year I was doing well and trying to get my farming business off the ground but then I had a months long depressive episode that killed the whole enterprise. I had to go off my antidepressant, but then by the time I was feeling better I ended up with that extremely long-lasting bronchitis that was apparently going around earlier this year. I finally had to sacrifice a week of vacation days to fully recover. :/

I eventually did begin to feel better again, even began to do well at writing again, but only being on my adhd medication meant I had a relapse of the very bad anxiety that originally prompted me to seek medication in the first place, so I got quite sick again, spending a great deal of May this year in a state of absolute misery because I was chronically nauseated. I lost about ten pounds just because I couldn’t eat anything, and you can probably imagine how lethargic and crabby it made me. I had to wait two weeks for a virtual appointment with my brain doctor and he prescribed buspirone, 10mg twice a day.

Unfortunately the main side effect I suffered from the buspirone was…nausea. Yeah, that was fun. After some research I reduced my dose to 5mg once a day and spent a couple more weeks dependent on Pepto while my system adjusted. This turned out to be not quite enough of a dose, as I was still having some issues when things triggered my anxiety, so I have gone up to 5mg twice a day and that seems to have taken care of the issue. I’m no longer having the terrible recursive thought patterns, my writing output is way up (I’ve done over 80k words since May, nearly done with my current project) and I am able to be nice to people at work again, which I’m sure they all appreciate.

I was posting a lot of native wildflowers before all this happened, but now that we are into the dog days of our horrible Texas summers, there isn’t a lot going on in that vein to talk about. On the art front, I spent too much time looking at polymer clay artists on Insta and it inspired me to make some small things, mostly earrings so far, but I also made a gift for a friend, which I shall refrain from posting here just yet so as not to ruin the surprise. (Idk if she reads this extremely neglected blog but still)

A pair of pastel rainbow earrings composed of small, slightly translucent polymer clay leaves
Fluffy rainbow earrings that I made while playing around with Sculpey III translucent. Colored with pastels, except for the blue-green, which was colored with Golden High Flow