Texas weather

In which things are not going so great in my brain

So (if there’s anyone actually still reading this) you probably noticed I haven’t updated like.

Anything.

In a while.

Things are not so good in my brain currently. I feel no creative spark. I feel no sparks at all. I am exhausted, mentally, physically…basically I’m a sad lump. I don’t even feel sad. I mostly just feel…tired.

I don’t know what I’m trying to say here. Maybe I just needed to say it, even if it’s only just shouting it into the void. I should make a doctors appointment and see if this is a symptom of something, maybe get my brain pills upped, but thinking about all that just makes me so tired.

A Chapter and an Update

A Flower With Thorns, Chapter 24: Conciliation With a Side of Anger

If you’re scratching your head and puzzling over the chapter number, AFWT ch23 went up…week before last, I think? But only on AO3. Official sit is currently down due to an issue with the wordpress installation, and will remain so for the foreseeable future, as my time is short of late. It’ll go back up sometime when I have the time/energy/mental spoons to fix it. For now, you can still find the serial on Archive of Our Own, since it’s easier to update.

I am currently sitting at my dining table/plant stand, looking out over my frozen back yard. Honestly, if it’s going to be below freezing, we ought to at least get some actual snow out of it, but no, it’s frost-covered grass as far as the eye can see. There is ice on the trees, and they are making a rice-crispie sound in the wind. It is below freezing even though its the middle of the day, and in central Texas, that’s a pretty damn rare occurrence. Especially since we already had a bad freeze a few weeks ago, and lemme tell you, if anyone tries the climate change denial around me now I’m gonna point that out right quick.

In other news, in an attempt to get my slacking, super ADHD ways under control in the new year, I made myself an alarm schedule for my days off, and the Sunday schedule has a dedicated block for posting AFWT chapters before I get on to my plant-related shenanigans. So cross your fingers that I’ll be able to get those out somewhat regularly, barring day off-eating events like last week’s cleaning and cooking extravaganza for my father’s birthday.

I’ve actually been a tiny bit proactive since the brain fog induced by losing one of my ADHD meds cleared up. I wasn’t able to afford my health insurance this year, and apparently without it atomoxetine retails for $600. That’s a 90 day supply of pills, just for clarification. Completely bonkers. So I declined that one, and I think maybe now I’m actually doing a bit better without it? I hadn’t been productive at all since like, last summer, creatively speaking, but I managed to write a tiny bit this week, mostly on my phone at work, but still. I’ve been getting up earlier, or at least I was before the weather took a turn for the gray and frozen, sigh. I’ve also been organizing my future farm/plant nursery plans: creating spreadsheets, sorting plants into categories, accumulating growing information and sustainable farming methods, gathering materials for vertical gardening adventures, saving money for greenhouses…also binge-online-shopping for heirloom seeds, plus plant varieties that will do well in my nine-months-of-severe-heat-and-humidity climate. I’m toying with the idea of doing a vlog focused on building up the business. But that’ll have to wait until my next post, since I do have a chapter to get up and about a million plants to water and a house in desperate need of a vacuum cleaner.