Being Medicated…Phase Two

So, last time I talked about my antidepressant stuff I sounded so optimistic, but then I crashed hard. December was…literally the worst. And January wasn’t too hot either. (Literally or figuratively…my electric bill! *sobs*) So my doctor doubled my dose of Zoloft. I have to take it twice daily now, which is a pain to remember even with alarms on my phone, but it also means that forgetting for an hour or two doesn’t mess me up as bad as when I was on one a day, so that’s nice. I’ve actually managed to be productive–not super productive, but I have managed to write about eight thousand words in February, which is better than the two previous months combined. Unfortunately not all of it was for AFWT. o_o;

It’s not unusual for me to come out of a depressive spiral with a new story idea–I tend to find something to distract myself–a TV show, a movie, a new books series–and start poking at it until it suits my tastes. This one started off as fan fic of my own characters, a fluffy tea shop AU, but the idea sort of blended with the books I was reading recently (Psycop and the Rowan Harbour Cycle) so now I have a third story to tell in my Genius Loci series, Woodhaven, about an asexual enby artist/seer who works part time in a cafe run by genius loci descended wolves in a town hidden in a forest, which is populated by a variety of genius loci who have lost their ancestral territories and human magic-users hiding from the eyes of the world. It takes place some time after the events in the two previous planned series, Golden Wolf and A Spirit of Place, but I don’t know if the characters will cross over yet, since I haven’t quite crystallized the plot details in my head. I should probably do that, lol.

I am chipping away at the next scene for AFWT, but it’s a duel scene and those are hard. (It doesn’t help that I can’t get my lazy arse out of bed early enough to have time to work on anything.) But it is getting worked on. Soon I’ll be done with the beginning of Woodhaven and my brain will hopefully get back on track so I can finish the beast.

Chill and a bit foggy

So! It’s Day One of Being Medicated. I feel…fine, I guess? Despite feeling sleepy while I was sitting here blogging last night, I did not drop right off to sleep. When I opened up my shower to fetch my facewash so I could wash my face before bed, there was a giant scorpion in my shower, which seemed…inauspicious. I flushed him and finished getting ready for bed at around two, but it was closer to four before I actually got to sleep. Slept fairly well, it seemed like, then woke to a possibly poorly strategized nine-thirty alarm.

Stayed in bed until just after eleven anyway, finishing Glitterland by Alexis Hall (for the fourth time) because why wouldn’t I reread a book with a clinically anxious depressive protagonist right now? It’s a good book, though, same author as the Kate Kane series. Beautiful writing, one of those polar opposites attract sorts of romances that don’t seem quite plausible but you end up rooting for the couple anyway, and it has some extremely on point observations about depression.

I felt remarkably chill all day, but my head was in a bit of a fog for much of the afternoon, and I had a slight headache, both of which could also have been put down to allergies, since I did wake up slightly stuffy. I had plenty of time to write before work, but wasn’t very productive. I had some trouble focusing.

This carried over into work, because I had a hard time remembering the customers’ orders in the drive thru and spent much of the day spacing out at my register. Managed to write a little, like, a page worth in my steno pad, but even though I have a pretty clear idea of how this part of the scene should go, I had trouble making myself write it down. This, sadly, is not atypical, so it might not have anything to do with the Zoloft.

I sincerely hope this stuff isn’t going to make me even spacier than I already am. I don’t know if the world can handle that.

My head felt clearer and the headache went away as the evening wore on, but I remained spacey all day, and a bit detached. I didn’t feel anxious at all, but since it was atypically quiet for a Saturday, with none of the upsetting variety of customers, I don’t know if that means anything.

Anyway, I hope tomorrow will be more productive. I have wasted my drawing time tonight blogging now. *flings self into sun*

Reading Roundup!

I had been having trouble getting into new books for a couple of years now. It’s partly the depression/anxiety/ADD thing, and partly a lack of time when I’m working on a project that got as big as my current WIP.

But recently, I started reading as voraciously as I used to as a kid again. I think it’s the sheer convenience of reading on my phone that’s done it. I do not own an e-reader, and I can’t see myself buying one, ever, but the ability to hold an entire library in my back pocket has done wonders for my reading habit. The small screen size and adjustable fonts help negate my tendency to zone out in the middle of a page of text, and being able to change to a black background with white text is so much easier on my eyes for some reason. Plus, it’s my phone, which I keep in my pocket, which makes it easy to pick up around the house and while waiting in line at the bank and other such quiet moments that arise.

I may also have developed a terrible, ADD tendency to switch between writing, reading and Twitter every five minutes. In case you were wondering why it’s taking me so much longer to get these chapter revisions done.* -_-;

My recent binge started with a special price on the ebook for Gail Carriger’s Prudence, which I had been curious about. I liked Soulless, but my interest in the series sort of tapered out after the third book because I was on a Serious Stories kick then, and these books are basically All Fluff All The Time even when she’s trying to be sort of serious, but now I am on a huge Fluff Kick because reasons. (Although I generally consume my Fluff in comics format because I still prefer texty type stories to be dense and long and involved.) Anyway, Prudence was a solid three-star read for me, and I’m just waiting for the price of the sequel to go down so I can read it. I really need to finish the Finishing School series too. The first book was decently entertaining.

Then while I was browsing the ebook recommendations from Amazon, I ran across a title that seemed familiar, and ended up binging on the first three books in Lynn Flewelling’s Nightrunner series, which were recommended to me by my best friend ages ago and which I promptly forgot about because my brain is like a sieve. I actually had to force myself to stop reading them at book three because I was not getting any work done on my own book. Also because the ability to immediately buy the next book in a series is a dangerous thing for my credit card balance.

I might as well have finished the series, though, because I still ended up buying a bunch more books. The ones that I liked the best were the Cadeleonian series by Ginn Hale, Lord of the White Hell and Champion of the Scarlet Wolf. These are just good books, wonderful character interaction and enthralling worldbuilding and plotting. I particularly liked the magic in the Scarlet Wolf books.

I’ve read about half a dozen other books, but nothing I cared for enough to write about. I’m going to start trying to tweet more about what I’m reading over on my Official Author Twitter, since I don’t have much else to say on it. I forget it’s there most of the time, oops. ;p

*actually that’s because I keep having to go back and forth between chapters and reread everything eight billion times and make hard decisions about plot and character relationships and this book is already at 80K words and I’m ONLY ON CHAPTER EIGHT gods damn it why do I do this to myself

Reading Roundup

So my brain got eaten by my own book, which has prevented me from reading very much of other people’s books lately, so this is not a big list!

Radiance by Catherynne M. Valente
As brilliant as expected, but too sad. I couldn’t really enjoy the awesome, colorful worldbuilding and non-linear storytelling (I super love stories with a ton of backstory that comes out over the course of the book!) because I was too sad about the actual story. *sigh*

Empty Graves by Unpretty
I have never been much of a Superman fan. My whole experience has been the cartoon that came on TV when I was a teenager and the old movies. I saw both of the the new ones that came out recently and they sucked. I’ll probably watch BvS when it comes out on DVD but I suspect I won’t like it either. However, this is a great fic (even if I didn’t get all the villain references) about Martha Kent being a badass mama bear.
Also recommended: Magical Girl Avengers vs. The Moon Nazis which made me laugh.

The Phantom Tollbooth by Norton Juster
A reread. Holds up fairly well, except it’s a bit less inspirational when you’re a grownup who lacks the ability to get interested in things because chronic depressive issues and anxiety, which…are not things you just decide not to be one day because you were inspired by something. BUT I loved this book when I was a kid, and it was very nostalgic to reread.

The Girl Who Raced Fairyland by Catherynne M. Valente
I haven’t finished this yet because it’s the last in the series and I’m afraid it’s going to destroy my heart for several days and I do not have time for that right now. I need to finish my own book first.