my precious son Benedict

Signs and portents

So I woke up yesterday just way too much of a heckin boss, what with the getting to work right on time, and getting out of work before five, and then actually cooking real proper food when I got home. I had even woken BEFORE my alarm went off, though admittedly this had more to do with me waking up thinking it was Tuesday and slightly panicking about whether or not I’d turned my Office Day alarm back on after my vacation and of god how late was I anyway–—

Which turned out to be oddly prescient, what with managing to sleep straight through all three alarms this morning, not waking until about half an hour after I was supposed to be at work. And then proceeded to have what could be considered A Heck of a Morning, if I may use the technical term. Scrambling to get coffee, a portable breakfast, and barely remembering my lunch (the aforementioned actual real food I made yesterday) and my allergy pill and my doctor-mandated supplements (I’m iron and Vitamin D deficient because of course I am, this entire body I inhabit is a complete trash bin that some jackwagon set on fire just because I didn’t have enough problems in the first place) and did I feed everyone and does Ben have plenty of water because he drinks like, all of the water, I don’t know how he doesn’t just float away sometimes. (Or maybe he’s just an enormous floof of a dog, idk)

Then to add insult to injury, just as I was getting ready to head out the door, my lunch slid itself right out of my bag and absolutely shattered all over the kitchen floor. And it was in a glass container so I had to especially careful cleaning it up so BenBen wouldn’t be hoovering up shards of glass all day because that is a vet bill I definitely cannot afford right now.

Then I got to work (only an hour and a half late!) and apparently some skeevy punk threatened one of my coworkers because she wouldn’t sell him tobacco products so that was fun and ate up a good half hour as I went over security video for the police officer who dealt with that.

Then I had to stay after I finished the paperwork and the new girl was listening to the absolute worst selection of pop Christmas and redneck chick country music until I wanted to discus toss her phone into the highway.

Also I realized as I was pulling into my driveway afterwards that I totally spaced on my house insurance payment so *waves goodbye to that extra ten bucks*

Yeesh. Anyway, plants to water!

Being Medicated: Running Face-first Into a Wall

I always mean to blog regularly but, well. Life.

The beginning of the year was tough for me. The weather was acting up, my allergies were acting up, work was…awful…and I hit another one of those long, drawn-out depressive patches. I did finally manage to break out of that and finish the revisions to A Flower With Thorns, so yay for that. The website for the serial is a work-in-progress, slightly stalled for the moment because BRAIN STUFF UGH.

My doctor changed my meds–I transitioned from the Xoloft to something called Effexor XR. It seemed to work at first; I had a six-week-long burst of creativity, mostly writing, and got through a couple chapters of A Shield and an Anchor, the sequel to AFWT, and through chapter eight of Golden Wolf, and then…I crashed right into a wall. It’s been over a month since I’ve gotten anything substantial done, creatively speaking.

Yeah, not great. I’m not even sure if this is a depressive streak, since my mood has been mostly good. I was just caught by a sudden obsession with comparison shopping for sewing machines, and then looms. (I’ve always wanted to learn how to weave.) It’s ridiculous, since I’m so freaking broke right now I couldn’t afford to buy either one even at the best price. Sigh.

I did manage to finish GW ch9 the other day, and I made an over-the-sink shelf for my kitchen, so it’s not like I’m wallowing in my inactivity. I just can’t seem to get back to any of my current projects with any kind of consistency. I was reading about how adhd is frequently misdiagnosed as depression, and I’m thinking maybe it’s time to try meds for that. It’s kind of nervous-making, since a lot of those meds are addictive stimulants, but not being able to get anything done is also pretty upsetting. I have an appointment soon, and intend to discuss it with my doctor then.

I’d been planning to launch AFWT in July, got the website up and everything, but that didn’t happen either. I’m going for ‘at least before the end of the year’ at this point, but we’ll see.

In other news: work has continued to be HELL because summer in Texas is basically hell, but with more tourists. (Although if Hell were real and plottable I’m sure there’d be people lining up to tour it.) We were short-handed for most of the summer too, so I have not had my vacation yet, and I spent most of June and July exhausted from overtime and the gross heat/humidity.

I am also spectacularly broke. I started the year by needing a new washing machine, and the expenses piled up from there. Also, before my meds were changed I went on another of those shopping sprees–bought way too much crafty stuff, which I regret now, since we had to take Belle to the vet for a bad UTI, and now Evie has an abscess on her jaw again, and also, the universe gave me a dog, which was not cheap, even if he was free.

(The cats are not exactly pleased with this development, in case you’re wondering, lolsob)

The pupper’s name is Benedict Benjamin, Ben-Ben for short, and he’s a white German Shepherd. He was very shy when I brought him home but after a couple of weeks, he’s settled in and getting rambunctious with it. Ben-Ben is currently about five months, sweet and pretty dang smart. He’s learning commands pretty fast, I just need to teach him to listen to me even when the cats are making noise. He’s a bit of a chewer, already mauled one of my books–but it was only a 50¢ copy of The Red Badge of Courage. He hasn’t touched another one since, so maybe he was just express his opinion on American classic literature; no one actually likes that book.