Being Medicated: Phase Three

Hey, it’s been a while because I am literally the worst at blogging! I keep meaning to post something but my life is so boring I don’t really have much to say. I work, I read, occasionally I manage some writing. (I just completed the draft of Ch50! Thought I was never gonna get it done -_-)

The Zoloft is doing its work. My anxiety is still pretty much gone, my depression is…manageable. The sleepiness is a small problem, made worse by the incessant heat–summers in Texas are no joke, and it makes me so, so tired. Doesn’t help that I get up right in the middle of the day most days, when it’s getting really hot, and then go to work in a place that is like, 90% windows, coolers that blow warm air, and a 550 degree pizza oven–I really hate that thing.

Summer has never really been one of my productive seasons for that reason, unfortunately, but I feel like this year was even less so than usual. I don’t want to complain about my anti-depressants because they’ve made my existence so much better, but the main reason I got on them was so I could be productive again, and aside from the boost I got right after upping my dose, they have…not really done much for that.

If anything, I’ve gotten a bit worse. :/ I’ve been stuck on Ch 50 for months, my brain feels so scattered whenever I try to focus on anything that requires serious concentration, and I’m pretty sure it’s executive dysfunction that keeps me in bed till noon or later nearly every morning.

So on my last follow up appointment, I mentioned to my doctor that I thought I might have ADHD. Long story short: they made me an appointment with a psych nurse, she is leaning towards an ADHD diagnosis (it is apparently difficult to diagnose adult ADHD because there are so many reasons why adults could have attention issues) and I started on medication for it today.

I was leery of doing this because when I was researching long term effects of drug addiction for Woodhaven, I discovered that literally every single ADHD med is on the big, scary list of frequently abused prescription drugs. So yeah. I really do not enjoy taking medicine in the first place, and I think the fact that I faffed about over the issue until I was 36 years old despite being miserable a good 90% of the time says pretty clearly how reluctant I was to take this step, and even though I am glad not to live in a vortex of anxious despair anymore, I kind of resent being dependent on medicine for something that most people take for granted.

Yet here we are. I took my first dose of Wellbutrin about an hour ago. It’s not an ADHD med, but it is used to treat it in situations where stimulant based drugs can’t be used. Hopefully it will help my concentration issues. I’m not sure if it’s doing anything yet, because I slept like crap last night. I’m on vacation this week, so it’s a perfect opportunity to keep track. I’ll keep everyone posted. For now, though, I’m going to laze about in bed a bit longer, because what’s the point of a vacation if you can’t? ;p